Crowley Webb Blog

I’m so green with envy.

by Chris Muldoon

On my way to work yesterday, I pulled up behind a Toyota Prius. And in case I was not aware that such a car is of the hybrid variety, the owner conveniently placed a bumper sticker touting “My car produces 90% less emissions than your car!” Another sticker simply listed the vehicle’s mind-blowing fuel economy, “48 mpg highway. 45 mpg city”.

I guess “Wow, look how great I am” was out of stock.

Just when I was about to spiral into the depths of guilt and self-loathing for destroying the environment, I remembered I was riding a bike. On my way to the subway station. So according to my calculations, I get approximately 10 miles per glass of OJ. Ha! Take that Prius owner. My point is, Going Green is about doing the right thing; it’s not a competition. Thanks for doing your part, but don’t be a snob about it.

Those TV commercials get me every time.

by Cindy Hennessey

My 13-year-old daughter asked me last night what global warming was. Although she and her brother had watched An Inconvenient Truth with me (and heartily mocked me when I cried at the end), her question showed me that global warming is a term for which she has no perspective and no sense of urgency. She is growing up in the high-tech age, when everything is limitless and immediate and disposable. The idea of the Arctic ice cap shrinking has no real impact on her psyche.

I, on the other hand, saw a World Wildlife Fund commercial on TV showing a mother polar bear and her cub huddling together on a tiny iceberg and I burst into tears.

When I was 13, it was the mid-1970s, during the energy crisis. I remember waiting in long lines at the gas station with my parents. My mother constantly admonished me and my brother to turn the lights off as we left the room (I hear her voice in my head to this day). She and my botanist father also taught us not to litter. We picked up empty cans and bottles on camping trips and cut up plastic 6-pack holders so they wouldn’t get caught around birds’ necks, a practice I continue to this day. As a teenager, I was a self-avowed environmentalist. I took Woodsy the Owl seriously when he warned me to “Give a hoot, don’t pollute.”

And I watched empathetically as the Indian man in the TV commercial slowly shed that one tragic tear as he surveyed the polluted Earth.

Of course, there were plenty of people back then who didn’t give a hoot. A friend told me that he and his family, for example, used to toss all of their McDonald’s trash out the car windows as they barreled down the highway at 55 mph. (Kinda like the folks today who barrel down the highway at 85 in their mammoth SUVs, getting 13 miles to the gallon, max.)

But all I can control is my little corner of the world. So I donate money to the NRDC, and forward their PSA-emails to all of my friends. I buy green products. I turn off the lights. I recycle my bottles and cans and printer cartridges. I drive a fuel-efficient car.

And when my daughter asks me to define global warming, or any other environmental issue, I sit down and tell her all about it.

Vote For [CANDIDATE NAME].

Ed. note: We at Crowley Webb celebrate and defend the right of every American to express their opinions. That said, as an organization engaged in commerce with individuals of every political affiliation, we try to avoid expressing opinions that may offend or alienate said individuals. In its original form, the following blog entry by Senior Art Director Pete Reiling may well have caused such offense. While we are presenting this piece out of respect for Mr. Reiling's first amendment rights, we have omitted any details that might possibly upset any of our readers.

I never thought I'd live to see the day where I would have the choice of voting for a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate or a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate. Obviously, I also have the  opportunity to vote for a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate, but only someone with their [HUMAN BODY PART] up their [HUMAN BODY PART] would even consider such a thing.

Seriously though, anyone voting for any [ADJECTIVE DESCRIBING A MAJOR AMERICAN POLITICAL PARTY] candidate at this stage of the game must be an absolute [DISPARAGING TERM]. I mean, look at [PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE] - [GENDER SPECIFIC PRONOUN] is a complete [DISPARAGING TERM,  OFTEN CONSIDERED TO BE VULGAR.] We'd be better off having a [NOUN DESCRIBING COMMON BARNYARD ANIMAL] running the country than that [NOUN DESCRIBING COMICALLY DRESSED CIRCUS PERFORMER].

Obviously, to anyone with a functioning [INTERNAL ORGAN] in their [BODY PART], [PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE] is the only reasonable choice. If  [GENDER SPECIFIC PRONOUN] is not elected, I will have no choice but to move to [LARGE NORTH AMERICAN COUNTRY OTHER THAN THE UNITED STATES.]